Summary
Highlights
Justin Bieber opens by comically apologizing for past reckless behavior, including smashing his Maserati into Jeff Ross's Saturn. He then delivers a joke about what happens when you give a teenager $200 million, leading to people calling them a lesbian for two hours, possibly referencing online criticism.
Bieber jokingly describes the process of finding a roast master, mentioning Jamie Foxx and Chris Rock couldn't do it, and then attempting to contact Kevin Hart for Dave Chappelle's number. He then roasts Kevin Hart about his height, likening his big screen experience to an iPad mini and suggesting he calls Lil Wayne for advice, and compares his career to a "shittier" version of Martin Lawrence's.
He thanks Martha Stewart for coming, implying she doesn't go out much anymore. He compliments Natasha Leggero's performance, but expresses disappointment that she didn't shoot a ping pong ball as Snoop Dogg had promised. He then jokes that Jeff Ross looks like the emoji for food poisoning.
Bieber praises Chris D'Elia, jokingly recalling a time Chris brought him on stage to perform for eight people staring at their phones and attributing Chris's success with women to him (Bieber) being a fan. He then jokes about Ludacris looking like a Mr. Potato Head and makes a crude joke about their song collaboration, implying it was Ludacris's only intentional 'baby'.
Justin expresses affection for Shaquille O'Neal but questions his basketball stats, claiming to have hit more pedestrians with his car than Shaq has made three-pointers. He then addresses Hannibal Buress, stating he doesn't know much about him and hopes the feeling is mutual. Finally, he roasts Snoop Dogg by mentioning Snoop was a top male artist the year Bieber was born and joking about Snoop's current status sitting next to Martha Stewart at his roast.
Bieber thanks everyone for attending, calling the roast a dream come true. He acknowledges having "turned a lot of people off" but expresses confidence in his ability to make good music and turn his life around, vowing not to end up "broken, pathetic, bitter, or sitting on the dais of somebody else's roast."