How to be confident (even if you’re not) | Montana von Fliss | TEDxBellevueWomen

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Summary

Montana von Fliss, an experienced speaker coach, shares five practical tips on how to appear and genuinely feel confident when speaking, even if nervousness is present. The tips focus on vocal techniques, body language, purposeful practice, and the power of self-talk, all aimed at creating a positive experience for both the speaker and the audience.

Highlights

The Importance of Showing Up Confident
00:00:07

Montana von Fliss illustrates the impact of a speaker's demeanor by contrasting a nervous captain with a confident one. She emphasizes that as a speaker, you are the captain of the journey, and how you present yourself significantly matters. After years of coaching, she shares her top five tips for projecting confidence, even when you might not feel it internally.

Tip 1: Turn Up the Energy and Speak Up
00:02:03

The first tip suggests increasing your vocal energy. Speaking up, even slightly, conveys confidence without requiring you to shout. She advises aiming for a 'five' on a scale of one to ten, contrasting it with the lower energy of a nervous speaker, to sound prepared, positive, and confident.

Tip 2: Pause Like a Boss
00:02:41

Nervous speakers often rush and fill pauses with verbal fillers. Instead, von Fliss recommends using strategic pauses for transitions and emphasis. This technique allows for clearer communication and projects a sense of control and confidence, rather than simply speaking slower.

Tip 3: Superhero Stance
00:03:14

Adopting a 'superhero stance' — whether sitting or standing — is a quick way to improve body language. This physical posture can lead to better eye contact, a more open presentation, and a greater sense of confidence. The audience can't read your mind, so 'making the shape' of a confident person allows them to perceive you as such. Filming yourself can help ensure these confident choices are authentic to you.

Tip 4: Practice with Purpose
00:05:32

Effective practice is crucial. This involves creating a rehearsal schedule, setting specific goals for each practice session, and layering in new techniques daily. It's important to practice out loud, imagining your audience, and going through your presentation as it would be on the actual day. This prevents robotic delivery and boosts confidence, much like an athlete or musician prepares for a performance.

Tip 5: The Silent Sentence
00:08:06

This powerful tip focuses on your internal self-talk. Recognizing that unhelpful thoughts can flood in before a performance, von Fliss suggests crafting a 'silent sentence' – a positive mantra that reflects your deeper purpose. Her own sentence, "I invite you to be here with me while I am here with you so that I can make this easier for you," helps her align with her goal of helping the audience. This internal message acts as an override switch for nervousness, replacing it with a higher purpose and leading to a more present and welcoming demeanor. She advises identifying your own deeper purpose to formulate a silent sentence that sets you up for success.

Applying the Techniques and Embracing Discomfort
00:14:42

Von Fliss concludes by encouraging the audience to practice these techniques, acknowledging that they might feel uncomfortable at first, which is normal for new behaviors. She reminds listeners of the relief a confident speaker brings to an audience and urges them to extend that gift of safety to their own listeners by making the choices of a confident captain.

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