Summary
Highlights
James shares a twisted, dark version of the Pinocchio story where the puppet is demon-possessed and burnt to ashes, humorously suggesting Donald Trump should learn from it, ending with 'never trust a puppet'.
Acaster recounts a humorous story about living in a 'gang' in Southwest London (SW6) and their rivalry with the SW5 gang, which involved shouting their postcodes at each other until he accidentally revealed his full postcode, forcing him to move.
James describes his annoyance with other people at the cinema, specifically an angry man who complained about him loudly eating fortune cookies. He then jokes about a fortune cookie predicting his own death.
He discusses wanting to make a surprise party more surprising by having everyone just stand in the dark in silence. He also offers 'smoozing tips' including 'unbreaking the ice' by saying something profound like 'death comes to us all'.
Acaster presents a metaphorical and surprisingly deep analogy about human existence using the choice of leaving a peppermint tea bag in or taking it out, pondering the strength and eventual demise of the tea and the bag.
James shares a joke about buying 'ready to eat apricots' and instantly becoming 'ready to eat apricots'. He then comically details his elaborate and specific method of eating yogurt from Pret A Manger.
He compares leadership to leading a conga line, explaining the stress and lack of planning involved for the leader, and the territorial disputes a conga line can create, as well as the difficulty of leaving one.
Acaster discusses the legal debate surrounding a selfie taken by a monkey, questioning who owns the intellectual property and comically imagining a monkey as a wedding photographer, leading to chaotic and self-obsessed photo albums.
James humorously describes his preference for drinking punch alone from a punch bowl with a ladle in his bedroom, expressing concern about whether this is unusual and making a joke about spiking his own drink.
He recounts a prank where he uses a friend's unattended pint to propose toasts to things his friend vehemently disagrees with, such as service charges and inconvenient bedside lamp switches, forcing his friend to inadvertently approve them.
Acaster presents a humorous 'rejected exam question' about Winston Churchill quotes, offering absurd alternative quotes like 'Goddamn I love these peaches' and a philosophical question about 'The Borrowers'.