How to speak up for yourself | Adam Galinsky

Adam Galinsky opens by sharing personal anecdotes: the fear of speaking up as new parents and the mistake of speaking up too aggressively for his brother. These experiences highlight the core dilemma: knowing when and how to assert oneself without negative consequences. He explains that individuals have a 'range of acceptable behavior' within which they are rewarded, but outside of which they face punishment.

The speaker reveals that power is the primary determinant of one's range of acceptable behavior. High power leads to a wide range, while low power creates a narrow one, leading to the 'low-power double bind.' This bind means that those with low power go unnoticed if they don't speak up, but are punished if they do. He argues that what often appears to be a gender double bind is actually a low-power double bind, as power differences often disguise themselves as gender differences.

Galinsky introduces the first tool to expand one's range: advocating for others. He cites research showing that women are more ambitious and achieve better outcomes when advocating for someone else, dubbed the 'mama bear effect.' This strategy helps individuals discover and expand their own voice and assertiveness.

Perspective-taking, or viewing the world through another's eyes, is presented as a crucial tool. An example of a bank manager defusing a robbery situation by understanding the robber's perspective illustrates its effectiveness. This allows for assertiveness while maintaining likability. Another tool is signaling flexibility by offering choices, which lowers others' defenses and increases acceptance.

Social support and allies are vital for comfortably speaking up. Advocating for others helps build alliances. Asking for advice is another powerful tactic; it flatters others, shows humility, and solves the 'self-promotion double bind' by allowing competence to be demonstrated while remaining likable. Finally, expertise provides credibility. While high-power individuals need good evidence, low-power individuals require excellent evidence. Tapping into one's passion can also convey expertise and foster courage to speak up.

Galinsky concludes with words from his late father, a psychologist and film enthusiast, who spoke about the roles people play in life. His father's message was that these roles and ranges are constantly evolving. By employing the tools discussed—being a ferocious mama bear, a humble advice seeker, having excellent evidence, and being a passionate perspective-taker—individuals can expand their range of acceptable behavior and lead more joyful lives.