Summary
Highlights
To succeed in dating, men must understand the balance between taking initiative and not being overly aggressive. Hiding away and doing nothing is ineffective, but so is overwhelming a woman with excessive attention. The key is finding a middle ground where you lead without chasing.
If a woman has even a small initial interest, a specific pattern can increase her attraction over time: leading without chasing. This involves taking one step forward, then pausing to observe her response. If she shows interest, take another step. If not, stop and don't chase, as this can actually increase her curiosity and attraction.
Starting a conversation is a form of leading, not chasing, and shows courage. However, prolonging the conversation unnecessarily or showering her with compliments can become chasing. A pro tip for starting conversations is to initially face her partially, gradually turning your body towards her as she shows more interest, making her feel more comfortable.
Asking for her number is leading. Texting her excessively after getting it is chasing. When asking her out, be specific with a time, day, and activity. Asking her what she wants to do or if she's free is chasing. If she declines without a specific counteroffer (e.g., suggesting an alternative time/day), stop and don't chase, as this allows her interest to potentially grow if it's there.
Having a great first date is leading. Asking her out for the next date during the current date is chasing, as it removes challenge and mystery. The optimal strategy is to have a fun date, then wait a few days before asking her out again. A woman's interest grows most when she's thinking and wondering about you between dates, not during long texting conversations. This waiting period also gives her an opportunity to chase you.
Initiating a kiss is leading and demonstrates courage and confidence. However, making the kiss too long or not being the first to pull back can be chasing. Being the first to end the kiss, even if it's amazing, shows self-control and leaves her wanting more, which is a powerful element of the 'push-pull' dynamic.
Repeat the leading without chasing process over several months or dates, focusing on having fun and getting to know her without putting pressure on defining the relationship. Wait for her to bring up the idea of being in a relationship. If she asks where the relationship is headed, it indicates high interest, and then you can lead by asking her to be your official girlfriend. If she continuously declines dates without counteroffers, it's time to move on.
A client's email illustrates common dilemmas. He wondered if approaching a woman and starting a conversation was chasing (it's leading). He also questioned whether following a woman outside for fresh air was chasing (it can be, but can be mitigated by having a natural, believable reason to be there, like making a phone call, before initiating conversation).