Your Intolerance Makes You Miserable

Intolerance, expressed through anger, judgment, condemnation, and condescension, makes individuals miserable and degrades the lives of those around them. This behavior often creates a cycle of increased anger and resentment as people are pushed away, leading to more complaints and criticism of others, often to assert perceived superiority or to make one's 'values' known.

Intolerance isn't about expressing an opinion but an ego play designed to grasp superiority. It stems from feelings of powerlessness, uncertainty, lack of appreciation, or unmet desires. Anger, frequently misunderstood as a response to violated boundaries, often arises from feelings of weakness, sadness, or dissatisfaction. It's an act of emotional violence to establish power, superiority, and dominance, rather than a healthy response to a boundary violation.

Many individuals learn intolerance from their social environment, where judgment and condemnation of anything different become a prevalent strategy. This widespread intolerance can manifest as emotional or physical violence, often directed at those who diverge from the norm. Children passively absorb these patterns, internalizing judgmental behavior as a method to exert power and feel confident, which is often a misguided and cowardly response to a fear of being insignificant or powerless.

The learned acceptance of intolerance leads people to seek out or stay in relationships with individuals who exhibit abusive and emotionally volatile behaviors. This is due to a misinterpretation of intense emotional volatility as attractive or 'strength.' Such relationships, fueled by a chemical high of stress and adrenaline, are often fraught with threats to safety and constant emotional upheavals, a cycle that is far from a 'good life'.

To break free from this cycle, individuals must practice self-attunement, catching themselves when being critical, angry, or judgmental. The key question to ask is: 'What am I so afraid of?' By addressing these underlying fears – of being small, weak, or wrong – one can cultivate peace, calm, and acceptance. Tolerance, patience, curiosity, and open-mindedness are paths to true strength, leadership, and courage, enabling individuals to build better relationships and expand their lives without tearing others down.