Summary
Highlights
Mike Parker, a self-proclaimed 'soft boy,' dreams of having 100 children and being rich enough to take them all on vacation. His journey begins in elementary school, where he cultivates a sensitive persona despite a tendency to yell at his cat at home.
Mike progresses through high school, feigning studiousness and meditating to appear 'at peace.' He pursues an undergraduate degree in Finance, relying on scholarships to avoid debt. Finding entry-level jobs challenging, he opts for further education, eventually becoming a lawyer after another scholarship opportunity to secure a high-paying career.
With a stable career, Mike Parker embarks on his mission to have as many children as possible. This phase is marked by numerous flings, leading to a string of STDs like syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, and chlamydia. He frequently visits the doctor to get treated, emphasizing the financial strain of his lifestyle.
Despite the constant medical treatments for various STDs, Mike continues his pursuit of children. He discovers that even with chlamydia, he's successful at getting women pregnant. He accumulates a significant number of children, including triplets, but constantly struggles with new infections and their associated costs.
With a large family and a vast number of ex-lovers, Mike attempts to fulfill his lifelong dream of taking his children on a vacation. However, none of his children want to travel with him, regardless of the destination (Osaka, Nevada, Hawaii, London, Alaska). He tries various strategies, including complimenting them and going on a trip alone to prove it's fun, but his efforts are in vain.
Mike's life takes a tragic turn when he attempts to rescue a woman from a car wreck and dies. He never achieves his goal of taking his numerous children on vacation, highlighting the chaotic and ultimately unfulfilled nature of his quest.