Summary
Highlights
Stress is a body's response to demands, affecting physical, emotional, and intellectual well-being. It's categorized into eustress (good stress, like a new job, that still demands energy) and distress (negative stressors). While some stress is necessary for health and motivation, danger, major responsibilities, loss, and change elevate stress levels significantly. For those in recovery, past and present unresolved issues, coupled with future anxieties, can exacerbate stress. Perception also plays a crucial role; how an event is interpreted can magnify stress.
Complex trauma impairs a person's ability to develop a 'toolbox' for handling problems early in life. Instead of learning coping mechanisms, individuals revert to 'fight or flight' survival mode. In recovery, this can lead to panic and relapse because the internal toolkit remains underdeveloped. Recovery involves learning new tools to handle problems, gradually reducing stress's impact. Additionally, complex trauma often results in low stress tolerance, where uncomfortable emotions trigger immediate, intense reactions and a sense of impending danger. This is due to established brain circuits that lead to fight, flight, freeze, isolate, or angry responses, often accompanied by a rapid release of cortisol, accelerating emotional escalation.
Changing deeply ingrained reactive behaviors in a 'nanosecond' is challenging but possible by creating new brain circuits through conscious choices. A stress test often reveals that individuals in early recovery have very high stress levels (an average of 500, compared to a danger threshold of 200). This indicates that living in constant high stress becomes their 'normal,' making them unaware of its detrimental effects. Recovery involves recalibrating this 'stress meter' to a healthy place, which can initially feel 'boring' as it redefines what a fulfilling life entails.
Becoming aware of stress's subconscious effects is vital. Early warning signs include physical symptoms like trouble sleeping (or oversleeping), increased blood pressure, tight muscles, and headaches, as well as nightmares. Mentally, stress manifests as an inability to turn off the brain, constant worry, self-criticism, jumping to worst-case scenarios, negative and critical thinking, and difficulty focusing (brain chatter). Emotionally, individuals become grouchy, irritable, impatient, prone to anger, overwhelmed, hopeless, fearful, and feel a lack of control, sometimes leading to a catatonic state or self-pity. These responses often lead to negative behaviors such as isolating, avoiding problem-solving through distractions, overeating, non-stop talking or complete withdrawal, all of which ultimately worsen stress long-term.
Beyond external events, individuals often create their own stress through various behaviors rooted in trauma. These include setting unrealistic expectations for themselves and others, an unhealthy need to control everything and everyone, a lack of planning and discipline, procrastination, an inability to say no to people, engaging in unhealthy relationships that bring drama, overthinking what others think, lying, living with fear (of failure, change, or the unknown), holding onto resentments, negative thinking, self-pity, refusing to ask for help, and an addiction to chaos. These behaviors, while offering instant relief, are ultimately detrimental and exacerbate stress.
To cope with stress healthily, it's crucial to establish boundaries and learn to say no. Prioritizing what truly matters helps in making informed decisions and simplifying life, similar to an athlete focusing on their goals. Planning and breaking down tasks into smaller steps makes overwhelming problems more manageable. Talking to trusted individuals provides support and different perspectives. Self-care, encompassing physical, emotional, and spiritual fitness, is fundamental for building internal resilience to handle external stressors. This shifts the focus from fixing the external world to strengthening the internal one. Developing healthy escapes and hobbies provides balance between work and play, reducing stress. Learning to self-talk and coach oneself through panic, along with practicing problem-solving by weighing pros and cons, are also vital. Finally, accepting that difficult times will occur and developing stress tolerance are essential for growth. Stress often reveals deeper issues like shame, indicating the need to address underlying emotional complexities.