Summary
Highlights
As a bonus tip, he advises men to read romance novels. He describes this as a 'cheat code' because these books, written mostly by women for women, offer insights into what women desire in relationships. He suggests visiting local romance bookstores, highlighting his wife's own bookstore, and notes that men who genuinely seek to understand women are appreciated.
Ragusea concludes by reiterating the importance of being in real-life communities with women, assuring that eventually, mutual interest will develop. He ends with a final, slightly humorous, call to action: 'Stop watching YouTube and join a choir.'
Adam Ragusea, a heterosexual internet cook, discusses how cooking can help attract a romantic partner, emphasizing the importance of genuinely trying to cook something the other person will enjoy, rather than trying to impress them. He states that his advice is centered on making the other person happy.
On his 19th wedding anniversary, Ragusea offers his 'mother of all tips' for young men seeking compatible romantic partners. He clarifies that while the advice is broadly applicable to all genders and sexual orientations, it's particularly aimed at young men seeking young women due to current societal trends and statistics indicating a decline in romantic relationships among this demographic.
Ragusea presents statistics from various surveys (Survey Center on American Life, Pew, Institute for Family Studies) showing a significant increase in single men and young people having less sex compared to previous generations. He notes that while some statistics might be questionable, there's a clear trend of fewer traditional romantic relationships among Gen Z.
He recounts an internet argument about women's height preferences on dating apps, where men often complain about unrealistic expectations. Ragusea argues against simplistic evolutionary biology arguments that women exclusively seek tall, rich men, pointing out that many desired male celebrities are under 6 feet tall and that real-life relationships are more complex.
Ragusea's core advice is to engage in real-life activities and communities. He suggests joining school groups, bands, choirs, or getting jobs in places like restaurants where there's a balanced gender mix and a natural environment for connection. He emphasizes that living an interesting and involved life outside the house creates organic opportunities for relationships.
The central tip is to make friends with women, not just with the intention of dating them, but because genuine friendships are valuable. He states that interacting with women as human beings, working and creating with them, fosters deeper connections that transcend superficial attractions. He argues that emotional bonds can outweigh other selection factors.
Ragusea advises allowing women to make the first move, acknowledging the current social landscape where women are empowered to do so and feel safer when they control the initiation. He dismisses the concept of the 'friend zone,' explaining that if a woman doesn't pursue a romantic relationship, it's not because of friendship, but because she simply isn't interested romantically, and men should accept that.
He acknowledges the challenges young people face today, including the loss of 'third places' (neutral spaces for gathering) and the isolating nature of modern environments. He compares the internet to a 'social food' that provides calories but lacks essential micronutrients, leading to social 'scurvy' if it's the sole source of interaction.
Ragusea criticizes men who view women as animals driven purely by instinct or as sex objects/domestic servants. He suggests that if men are shallow, they will only attract similarly shallow women, and encourages men to be genuinely interested in women's inner lives and success.