Summary
Highlights
Chris Voss introduces his top 10 negotiation responses, starting with "Is this a bad time to talk?" He explains that this question, unlike "Do you have a few minutes?", elicits a focused response. If someone says "no, what do you got?" they are giving you their full attention. If they say "yes, but I can talk Tuesday at one," you've secured an appointment with their full attention. This strategy avoids 'decision fatigue' and gets a clear answer, whether immediate or scheduled.
Voss demonstrates how asking 'no-oriented' questions like "Is this a ridiculous idea?" can lead to detailed explanations and commitment, even from busy individuals. He shares an anecdote about Jack Welch, who responded to such a question by offering his assistant's contact and a potential speaking engagement. He also recounts an email exchange with Robert Herjavec, showing how asking "Are you against paying for them?" resulted in a quick commitment for tickets, proving the effectiveness of framing questions to solicit 'no' and encourage deeper thought.
Voss emphasizes that "Have you given up on...?" is not an opening line but a powerful tool to restart communication with someone who has gone silent. He warns against using it manipulatively, as it can be perceived as harsh out of context. He explains that if someone is ghosting you, it's likely because you weren't listening or they've lost influence. Using this phrase can trigger an immediate response, but it's crucial to then change your communication style, focusing on listening and summarizing, rather than repeating the same approach that led to the silence.
Voss explains that "How am I supposed to do that?" is a polite way to indicate 'no' or to challenge a proposal that seems unimplementable. It encourages the other party to provide solutions or reveal their limitations without causing anger. This question forces empathy and slow thinking, making the other person consider your constraints and collaborate on a solution. It's a key strategy for pushing boundaries and gaining valuable implementation details as a negotiator.
This phrase acknowledges the other party's perceived generosity while firmly rejecting an offer, removing external criteria from the negotiation. By validating their perceived effort, it encourages them to be more generous. Voss shares an example where this led to a higher offer, demonstrating its effectiveness in pushing for better terms without antagonism.
Instead of asking "How are you?" which is often a superficial formality, Voss's son uses "It sounds like you've got a place you want to start." This directly addresses the other person's agenda, saving time and getting straight to the point. It acknowledges their intent and immediately opens the door to the actual conversation they want to have, avoiding small talk when it's not genuinely desired.
Voss advises against immediately answering questions, as the underlying motivation is often more important. Instead, he suggests asking "What makes you ask?" or "Seems like you have a good reason for asking that." This probes for the true drivers behind the question, allowing you to understand their perspective and respond more effectively. He recounts an instance where not using this led to a lost contract opportunity.
When dealing with underperformance, accusatory questions are counterproductive. Voss recommends using "Seems like you have a good reason for not doing that." This non-judgmental approach encourages the other person to open up about the real issues, leading to solutions rather than defensiveness. He provides an example of a subcontractor who, when asked this, admitted there was no good reason and subsequently rectified the situation.
Voss addresses a participant's experience where asking "How am I supposed to do that?" was met with "That's not my problem." He explains that this reveals the other person as a 'half' – someone unwilling to collaborate. He advocates for recognizing these 'halves' early, as they are not good long-term clients and can drain resources that could be better spent on 'elves' who are cooperative.
Voss emphasizes that these negotiation lines and psychological principles are applicable across various communication contexts, including emails, sales letters, and marketing. He highlights the success of 'no-oriented' questions even in marketing, yielding higher response rates than traditional 'yes-oriented' questions. He also provides clarification on how to effectively use the "Have you given up on" email and offers a program advisors for group coaching.