London Gangster Who Played with Black Magic

Paul Stockton recounts his childhood in Kent, detailing his strained relationship with his father and his mother's nurturing influence. He left home at 15 and quickly fell into street life, being mentored by an older friend involved in drug dealing and armed robberies. This early exposure to crime set him on a path that diverged significantly from his father's honest working life. He began dealing various drugs like weed, speed, and soft black, and leveraging his boxing reputation and connections from his 'Uncle Alex' to climb the criminal ladder.

At 20, Paul received his first prison sentence for GBH with intent and demanding money with menace. While initially fearful, he adapted to prison life, viewing it as an 'army camp.' A period of drug use with ecstasy and acid preceded his arrest, opening his mind to spiritual ideas. A pivotal moment occurred when a letter from his mother, delivering multiple pieces of bad news, triggered a violent outburst in prison. A compassionate priest, Father Joe, visited him, and their conversation, coupled with a ray of sunlight, brought a significant emotional shift, leading Paul to explore spirituality and consider God.

Upon release from prison, Paul reconnected with a former associate who was an international drug and diamond dealer, also claiming to be devoutly religious. This man introduced Paul to a world of illicit dealings in Africa, juxtaposed with visits to prophetesses and religious women. Paul's 'brother in magic' then introduced him to the Ouija board. Initially a playful activity, the board, guided by a spirit named 'Nip,' began to communicate complex and sinister messages, including a warning about their Africa associate and an instruction to 'lose a friend, gain power.' This experience further deepened Paul's involvement in what he perceived as witchcraft.

Paul delved deeper into magic, studying numerology, Kabbalah, and the works of Alistair Crowley. He learned to interpret tarot cards and tap into what he believed was an ability to manifest desires. His criminal empire expanded, including managing nightclub doors and debt collecting. His reputation grew, with some seeing him and his associates as 'devil worshippers' because of their apparent dark abilities, which included hexing people. This period was marked by wealth and influence, but also by a growing debauchery and reliance on cocaine.

A significant turning point came with a personal mistake: an affair that resulted in a child, while he already had a family. The subsequent guilt exacerbated his addiction to cocaine, leading to a period of decline. He sustained a severe motorbike accident, almost dying, and in a state of morphine-induced honesty, confessed his affair to his partner. His physical and mental health deteriorated, and he found himself in a dark place, influenced by what he believed were demonic spirits he had invoked through the 'Goetia' grimoire. His mind became clouded with voices and visions, signaling a loss of control over his spiritual practices.

At his lowest point, Paul experienced a terrifying impulse to harm his son, Alfie. Seeking answers from his tarot cards, he received a confirmation he interpreted as a 'yes,' leading to a profound crisis of faith in his magical practices. Overwhelmed, he reached out for help, eventually calling 'Frank' (a drug support helpline), which led him to a local CA (Cocaine Anonymous) meeting. Though initially resistant, his prayer to God to 'take his addiction away or take him away' marked a turning point. He left his living situation and found himself being guided by an inner voice, leading him to temporary refuge in a skunk factory, still battling vivid hallucinations and a sense of demonic presence.

Paul's journey towards recovery began with moments of divine intervention. His doctor's visit revealed critical health issues, and a phone call from his daughter led him back to a church he had previously dismissed. Despite facing temptations to return to his old ways and a series of challenging relationships, he found a sense of belonging and spiritual renewal within the church. After experiencing an 'altercation at gunpoint,' which he describes as a 'favor' that removed him from his old life, he fully embraced Christianity, becoming a 'born again Christian.' This decision was immediately tested by further legal troubles, leading to an eight-and-a-half-year prison sentence for drug conspiracy charges.

Paul discusses his evolving understanding of spirituality, rejecting the dualistic view of a separate God and Devil. He believes in 'both' good and evil, viewing them as integrated within a universal essence. He emphasizes the importance of balancing these forces within oneself, drawing parallels between his magical practices and the modern concept of manifestation. Paul shares a controversial encounter with a high-ranking Mason who linked personal sacrifice to wealth, providing a chilling clarity to his past experiences. He also touches upon the idea of widespread manipulation and control through religion, aligning with his second book's controversial themes.

Paul reflects on his journey, acknowledging the profound impact of his past experiences but affirming his current state of strength and peace. He describes overcoming the crippling fear that stemmed from the impulse to harm his son, asserting his control over his thoughts and actions through rigorous mental discipline. He shares his morning ritual, visualizing a golden crown and affirming himself as 'king of his own universe,' 'God of my own universe.' Paul's advice to those struggling is to 'find your higher power,' 'take control of your life,' and understand that by declaring 'I am Monad,' one can transcend negative influences and achieve personal equilibrium. He concludes by emphasizing the power of intention and a disciplined mindset in navigating life's challenges.