Summary
Highlights
Elena discusses the concept of autism levels, a classification system introduced in the DSM-5 in 2013, replacing previous separate diagnoses like Asperger's. She clarifies that these levels indicate an individual's support needs, not their intelligence or how 'mild' their autism is. Elena, diagnosed with Level 1 autism, highlights that support needs can vary across environments and over time.
Elena details her internal experience of Level 1 autism, particularly her constant hyper-vigilance and anxiety, which often leads to social anxiety and OCD episodes. She explains how she constantly 'masks' her autistic traits when in public, a coping mechanism that leads to burnout and makes her autism a 'hidden disability' as her struggles are primarily internal.
Elena shares her feeling of being developmentally delayed compared to her peers, particularly in achieving life milestones like getting a driver's license or starting a career. She also discusses struggles with self-identity and relationships, attributing difficulties in forming authentic connections to not truly understanding herself and experiencing extreme internal emotional worlds.
A significant aspect of Elena's experience is her profound need for alone time to regulate herself, often preferring solitude to social interaction. She finds authentic connection with animals, explaining that their predictability, lack of hidden social cues, and absence of masking requirements make these relationships deeply meaningful and peaceful for her.
Elena identifies rejection sensitive dysphoria and black-and-white thinking as major contributors to her relationship struggles, leading to difficulties sustaining friendships. She reflects on a lifelong sense of being 'different,' recalling an early childhood realization of not being 'made of the same stuff' as others, a sentiment relatable to many late-diagnosed neurodivergent individuals.