The Good Life

The study consistently shows that those who fared best leaned into relationships with family, friends, and community. Practical ways to invest in relationships include reducing screen time for people time, doing new things with loved ones, and reconnecting with estranged family members. As Mark Twain said, life is too brief for bickerings; there is only time for loving. The good life is built with good relationships.

Most people believe that wealth and fame are the keys to a happy life. A survey of millennials showed that over 80% aspired to be rich, and 50% wanted to be famous. However, the true sources of happiness are often misunderstood, as human memory is fallible and we tend to remember the past more positively.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest study of adult life ever conducted, tracking 724 men for 75 years. The study followed two groups: Harvard sophomores and disadvantaged boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods. Researchers meticulously collected data on their lives through interviews, medical exams, and by involving their families.

The clearest message from the 75-year study is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Social connections are beneficial, while loneliness is toxic, leading to reduced happiness, earlier health decline, and shorter lifespans. More than one in five Americans report being lonely.

It's not just the number of friends or being in a relationship, but the quality of close relationships that matters. High-conflict relationships are detrimental to health, potentially worse than divorce. Conversely, warm, good relationships are protective. Satisfaction in relationships at age 50 was a better predictor of health at age 80 than cholesterol levels. Good relationships also help buffer against the physical and emotional pains of aging.

Good relationships don't just protect our bodies; they protect our brains. People in securely attached relationships in their 80s, where they feel they can count on their partner, maintain sharper memories longer. Even relationships with bickering can be protective as long as there is underlying trust and a sense of being able to rely on each other.

Despite the evidence, this wisdom is often overlooked. Wealth doesn't significantly increase happiness once basic needs are met, fame brings intrusion and lack of privacy, and working constantly leads to deathbed regrets. Relationships are messy, complex, and require lifelong effort, which isn't perceived as glamorous or a quick fix.