Summary
Highlights
Carin Taylor shares a personal anecdote from a sales conference where she was the only African-American woman among 300 people, listening to a white male executive speak about diversity. Initially judgmental, she later realized her own unconscious bias when the executive revealed he was gay. This experience made her understand that she was doing to him what others had done to her, leading to a commitment never to make anyone feel undervalued.
Taylor explains that her personal experience spurred her interest in the concept of belonging within diversity work. Initially, she sought a universal 'secret sauce' for belonging, aiming to solve problems in workplaces and cultures to ensure positive employee experiences. She even created a framework called VIBE (Value Inclusion Belonging and Equity).
Taylor admits her first mistake was trying to find a single, common definition of belonging for everyone. She learned that belonging is a subjective experience, differing for each individual. What makes her feel like she belongs might not be the same for others, illustrating this with examples like changing hairstyles or displaying tattoos at work without judgment, or receiving support after a traumatic community event.
Belonging is presented as a two-way street. Individuals must understand their own sense of belonging and actively participate by articulating what they need to feel included. When external conditions are met, but an individual still doesn't feel like they belong, the power lies within them to change the situation.
Taylor outlines five critical conditions for people to feel like they belong: psychological safety (trust and openness), empathy (care and compassion), acceptance (being valued for one's authentic best self), connection (feeling wanted and linked to a purpose), and feeling embraced (feeling valued, respected, and appreciated).
When these five conditions are absent, individuals cannot thrive. A lack of psychological safety leads to psychological harm, emotional and mental trauma. Disconnection results in isolation, and a lack of appreciation prevents individuals from feeling valued for their contributions, leading to disengagement and silencing of voices.
Despite potential challenges, Taylor asserts that individuals can change the status quo. Even in an environment where one might initially feel excluded, if the five core conditions are personally activated, one can proactively introduce themselves, engage, and positively influence the atmosphere. Personal positive actions can be infectious, leading to a more inclusive environment.
Taylor concludes by reiterating the societal loss of humanity, connection, and care. She urges everyone to ensure they are actively creating conditions of belonging in their circles. By doing so, people will be allowed to thrive, do their best work, and ultimately soar.