How to Make Stress Your Friend | Kelly McGonigal | TED

Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist, confesses that she has been teaching for years that stress makes people sick, and now she believes this message might be doing more harm than good. A study tracking 30,000 adults over eight years revealed that only those who believed stress was harmful had an increased risk of dying. Those who experienced a lot of stress but didn't view it as harmful had the lowest risk of dying, even lower than those with little stress. This suggests that the belief that stress is bad for you was a significant cause of premature death.

The science indicates that changing your mindset about stress can alter your body's response. In a Harvard study, participants, before undergoing a social stress test (giving a speech and doing math under pressure), were taught to view their stress response as helpful. For example, a pounding heart prepares you for action, and faster breathing gets more oxygen to your brain. Those who adopted this mindset were less stressed and anxious, and their blood vessels remained relaxed, leading to a much healthier cardiovascular profile compared to the typical stress response where blood vessels constrict.

McGonigal introduces another aspect of stress: it makes you social. This is regulated by oxytocin, often called the 'cuddle hormone.' While it's released during physical contact, oxytocin is actually a stress hormone. It's pumped out as part of the stress response, just like adrenaline, and it fine-tunes social instincts. Oxytocin prompts you to seek support, enhances empathy, and makes you more willing to help others. This biological response encourages human connection during difficult times.

Oxytocin not only affects your brain but also protects your cardiovascular system from stress. It acts as a natural anti-inflammatory and helps blood vessels stay relaxed. Crucially, oxytocin aids in heart cell regeneration and healing from stress-induced damage, effectively strengthening your heart. These physical benefits are enhanced by social contact and support, demonstrating that reaching out to others under stress makes your stress response healthier and promotes faster recovery.

A study tracking 1,000 adults showed that major stressful life experiences increased the risk of dying by 30%. However, this was not true for everyone. Individuals who spent time caring for others showed no stress-related increase in dying. Caring for others created resilience, proving that the harmful effects of stress are not inevitable. How we think and act can transform our experience of stress, fostering courage and resilience through connection.

McGonigal concludes by advocating for a new appreciation for stress, viewing it not as something to avoid, but as a source of courage and connection. Chasing meaning in life, even if it brings stress, is healthier than trying to avoid discomfort. By trusting ourselves to handle challenges and recognizing the importance of human connection, we can transform our relationship with stress, making a profound statement that we can face life's difficulties and don't have to do it alone.